Went to see my daddy Saturday. I was supposed to go to a wedding but I'm so glad I chose to see my daddy instead. He is not doing well. He has given up on his will to live. I think it's because he's in Cheraw and he never gets to see his friends. Unlike me, my daddy believes everybody is his friend. Even the ones we thought never meant him any good. He doesn't really talk about his feelings that much but I think he's depressed. I think he's been depressed every since he and my momma separated. He did tell me recently that he feels he's being punished for all the things he's done to her when they were together. I know from a woman's point of view, when a man dogs you and we leave, we are done. No going back. I think that's how my momma felt. My daddy didn't even try. It was like he didn't care until it was too late. He had already begin to go down before she left but after it got worse. He lived on the streets. He couldn't stay with us and his own sisters wouldn't give him a place to stay. My granddaddy stepped in a help my daddy get his social security and a place to stay. He even let my daddy stay with him. My momma let my daddy stay with her for awhile too. So I feel like the majority of the time we (my momma side of the family) have always been there for him. His sisters didn't like the way my daddy was living so they got together and got him an apartment in Oakview which was good because it was right across the street from me. However, it put me in charge of his finances. Which I didn't do a very good job with. Keeping up with two households, three kids and a job was hard for me. My aunts didn't like they way I was handling things so they took over the finances and I was so glad. My daddy can be handful and I wasn't doing a good job. Because I was his child he still expected me to do what he said. Once I moved I didn't see him everyday like I used too. I would stop by once a week to check on him. I think because he is the parent it's hard for me to put it in reverse. Now he has to be taken care of and I don't know how to handle that. When I sat with him Saturday I didn't know what to do. We talked a little bit but because he's not eating or drinking I can barely understand what he's saying to me. He asked me if I was tired and I said yeah since I just left work. He asked me who my best friend was. I told him Robin and that she was dead. He asked me how she died and when I told him, he said they're cousins. I'm confused why he asked me this because he knew this already. The fact that he remembered they were cousins made me feel good. He still remembers some things. All before he would ask about Edward but this time he didn't bother. He did tell me that my aunt owes him $5.00. I forget why. I think that was just him talking. He's always fussing about something. I hate to see my daddy like that. He's so small. Nothing but skin and bones. He looked cute though because he got a haircut. I always liked his hair low. I love my daddy. I wish I was financially able to take care of him myself. Before I left him Saturday I asked him to eat for me but I know he won't do it. I don't know what to do.
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