Everyone loves a challenge.

I was in a situation recently where my back was literally up against a wall. I was put in a very uncomfortable position with a certain individual and now I feel that I didn’t handle it properly. I kind of brushed it off. After it bothered me for awhile, I finally spoke up and said something. Bluntly saying, I told you before now I’m making it clear, don’t ever  let something like that happen again. Now I’m at the point where I don’t want to be in the same room with this person. That’s hard for me given that I really don’t have a choice. It’s not the first time I’ve been in situations like this. There were two other times with two different people. What still comes to my mind is the question, why would you think that was ok? When I want something I have no problem letting someone know it. So I’m asking myself what did I do or say to make you think that was ok. I’m so offended and what bother me most is its people who I know, who I see and have to be around. It’s never a stranger that I don’t know and will never see again in my life. It’s been three weeks and I’m still having a hard time putting it behind me. It’s like one of the awful memories that you hate you even thought of. You do what ever to shake the thoughts out of your head. I said last December that I wasn’t going to allow myself to be in the company of people that make me uncomfortable. No matter who it is. Mainly because I don’t want someone to piss me off and I have to be ugly. I don’t like being that person. Anything I can do to avoid it, I will. I let a lot of stuff ride. Mainly because I want people to treat me the way I treat them. For some people it’s not in them to be nice or considerate to others. I know I’m not the most considerate person either but I wish I was. I wish it was something that I did instinctively. I have to work at it and I still come up short a lot of the times. For me keeping myself at a distance from others has worked for me. Best way to stay out of drama. But for this person that I’m having an issue with I really want to lay into him. I don’t like the way he talked to me and I don’t like that he’s acting like nothing happened. Yeah he apologized but for me that’s not enough. I want to hold a grudge. I know that’s not right but until I feel he’s truly sorry for what he did his apology don’t mean jack to me. Every time I think about it all I can do is shake me head. He disgusts me. I’ve tried tolerating him, being nice to him but now all that is over. I want him to know just how I feel about him. I don’t want to be like him and be fake. I’m waiting and hoping he’ll ask me what’s wrong. “I don’t like you” is what I’m going to say. “I tolerate you because I have no choice. Cross me again, it’s going to be trouble and I will not be nice about it.” Clearly, he doesn’t know who he dealing with. He only sees one side of me. He doesn’t know that there is the whole other side to me. I think he thinks he’s a player in a sense. He quick to say he’s not but actions always speak louder than words. What he doesn’t know is that I’ve played the game too. I may appear to him as sweet, innocent and maybe naïve but I know the game. I’ve learned from the best. All that talk about how he’s not like the last one was lies. He was trying to convince himself because I wasn’t buying it, not for a second. All I know is if I would have been down, things would have went further then they did. Knowing that tells me what type of person he is. He wouldn’t have ever said, “no we can’t do this, this is wrong”. I’m just beside myself with anger at this moment. Then on top of it he got somebody. Man, you trash just like the rest of these dudes. Hypocrite. I don’t like to believe all men are trash but I’m still waiting on one to prove to me that all men are not the same. Probably die waiting too. It’s really sad. I’m venting because I’m so upset. I really don’t think I’ll forget about this until I let this person know exactly how I feel about. I pretty sure he can guess but this acting high and mighty attitude he got is what’s really pissing me off more. I might get my granddaddy to have a lil talk with him. Just something to knock him off his high horse. He needs to be taught a lesson. All those other ladies swoon over him and make him think he all that but I’m don’t see it. I guess in his eyes, I‘m the challenge for him. He’s a lame to me. He’s not on my level. Never will be, you far from Junior. You gets no play.  #ughhh