The Reality of the Situation

Stay hiding behind that beautiful smile.

I think there are times in a relationship when you just know it’s over. The love is there but everything about it is just messed up.  When you have two people working to repair their commitment it could be salvaged. One person can’t fix a relationship by themselves. I think that’s where I am with Junior. We rarely see each other. We hardly ever talk to each other. When we do it’s distant and short. He’s always wanted it to be just him. I feel he’s never given me a reason for it to be just him. Love ain’t enough and most of the time I question if he really ever loved me. He never shows me. He’s never put me first. It was always about him in our relationship. Last night we talked a little and as soon as I was getting into the conversation he had to go. He cut me off and shut me down. I’m thinking maybe because I was talking about a situation I’m in. But if we’re in a relationship isn’t that what he supposed to do, to listen and be there for me. I was like wow, for real, did you just cut me off like you don’t have time for me. He doesn’t bring his problems to me but that’s him. He chooses to not tell me personal things so I’m never in the position that he needs me. He doesn’t want my friendship like I want/need his. That’s his prerogative, I’m not mad. I just know my place in his life, which is no place. Can’t get mad about that either. I feel he isn’t completely honest with me. Neither one of us is putting any effort into our relationship. For the longest it’s been, “whatever”. I really don’t want to “call it”. I still think he is the one for me. I love him with everything in me but nothing is progressing between us. I feel it’s time to end it so I can just work on moving forward. It’s love on my end so I know its not going to be easy. Just as these last five months apart hasn’t been easy. He’s shown me time and time again that it’s not about me. I need to accept that and move on.