When I got home from work yesterday I was hoping to come home to a child support check. It’s been about three weeks so I should be getting one soon. I also thought about the money that needs to go in the pot or central treasure. The central treasure is the money I use to help me take care of my children, my bills and all the other necessities we have. Any money I get automatically goes in the central treasure, my child support checks go into this treasure as well. I don’t designate funds for specific things. Those child support checks aren’t held in trust for that particular child. Those checks go toward whatever needs to be taken care of. If Tim’s money has to buy Adrianna some shoes this week as a mother that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to wait for Avalon check to come just so my baby can get some shoes on her feet. To me this is logical but to fathers they have fits because their money doesn’t go to their child. You can’t designate your funds. It all goes in the pot. Money that my kids get from people or wherever is their money. I don’t touch it. Since Damian is working I will ask him for something if I need to it but it’s normally just gas money. I do think he should pay a bill, something small like the water bill. That would benefit me now and him in the future. Now I know there are mothers out there who don’t do a thing for their child with the child support payments. I’m not talking about those trifling things cause I agree with fathers 100% about that. I’m talking about women like me who work to support their kids but are still struggling trying to make ends meet. I’m not good with my money but I do make sure my kids have the basic things they need. My momma also helps take up the slack so my kids aren’t lacking for anything. If I have extra I’ll do extra and they know that. They don’t knock me when I don’t have the money to get them the things they may want. Even in our struggle they still make me feel like I’m a good mother. I’ve said many times that I know I’m not perfect but if my kids think I am, what anyone else has to say will never matter. I live by that. I live by the grace of God that has kept me all these years. There have been so many times when I thought I could provide for them better by not being here. Knowing no one would love them the way I do has kept me. Knowing how losing a mother may affect them has kept me. God has kept me. I’m still struggling because I still have Adrianna and she will be my hardest work yet. She’s already hard work. After the bills are paid and there is money left over which isn’t often or either isn’t much, I’ll give my boys some money just to have in there pocket. My momma always gave me pocket money when I was a kid. They can spend it however they like. I provide everything for them like deodorant, socks, and underwear; things they need but don’t think to buy for themselves because they are used to me doing it for them. The boys are men now I think they should be buying there own toiletries. If food is scarce in the house those are the times when I cook. They’ve eaten all the “every man for himself meals”. So I do make sure they have something. It took me a while to get to point where I wanted my kids to have a better life than growing up in the apartments. I thought me owning my own house would prove that I’m a decent mother but I still can’t get that recognition. There is always something that is wrong with me that I can’t get that stamp of approval. I feel no matter what I do I will never get that stamp of approval. I know it shouldn’t matter to me. I know the work I’ve put in, the struggle has been real. Who the eff is he to judge me? But I will always seek to try and please. I will seek and try to get back to where I once was. I know I’ll never get there but I know at the same time I won’t stop trying. It matters to me. I’m proud of my accomplishments because most single black mothers don’t make it this far. I feel like I have to be a half decent mother if I got two high school graduates. It was a given when I was a kid; now it’s like whatever with some kids. I do believe Avanti had a hand in helping Roc and I’m very thankful to her for that. She took up the slack for me and Moo-Moo. I think if your child needs are being met why whine and complain about how your baby momma spends her child support money. If the system thought like men, I’m sure some one would have been done something to change the laws. If your baby momma spending your cs payments on herself then you need to step up to the plate and handle your business. If you can’t do that you need to suck it and keep it moving. A baby daddy good for telling a baby momma everything she doing wrong but I swear if you ain’t on your Cliff Huxtable you need to shut it down. You can’t judge a baby momma if your parenting skills are just as weak. Men try to hold women completely responsible for raising a child. This is 2013 that went out with black and white tv. You help bring a child into this world and you have to put in 100 just like a mother does. Whether you are together or not you have to work together to raise your child. I know I’ve often been apart of the blame game but I promise I can assume responsibility for anything I’ve done wrong. I’ve even apologize when I felt I wasn’t wrong just to have peace. I feel that in the end the picture will be clear. We agree to disagree for now. I don’t like going tit for tat. I don’t like to throw people’s weakness in their face. It’s been done to me many times and that’s just not my style. I have to feel I’ve been really wronged for me to bring up another person’s short comings. Men try to strip you down and reduce you to nothing when they get mad at a baby momma. That is the only way they can win. They have no power, don’t fall for it. I think they do that because they know their a deadbeat. I don’t have to tear anybody down to look good. What would that say about me? There were times when I could have been the resentful baby momma and do things just because but I’m not that person. What would I gain by being dumb? Anyway child support is really one topic I hate discussing but it needs attention. It can turn a casual conversation into a heated debate in less than 60 seconds. I say whatever helps the household your kid lives in is what’s important. Your child good and you as a parent should feel great about it. Thats a reflection on what type of person you are. The type of father we want our sons to be. I may be broke after I pay my bills but nothing can beat peace of mind and knowing I did my part for my babies. I’m just stating my opinion. Everyone’s situation is not the same so I can only express from my experiences.
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