Leave Me Alone

The drama of the world. I try really hard to be a nice person. I know I’m not perfect. I do let the devil get in me from time to time. I pride myself that I’m not like I used to be. There is a huge difference between Nay Samuel and Netanyia. Netanyia is the grown up, drama free part of me. Nay Samuel is the “take no foolishment” side of me. She was awaken yesterday over some bs at work. Bs because it ain’t what it look like. I’m good though. I let it be known that I was annoyed by it. I kept it moving though. I’m not going to let anyone stress me bout some dumb crap. I laugh as I type this because I hadn’t brush my teeth this morning and someone else come with bs. I always said if it doesn’t have anything to do with me or my kids, I will not acknowledge. It is about my child but I’m calling this as an exception to the rule. I said I can’t get involved when it comes to their issues, I meant that; I can’t help you. If I acknowledge this I’ll get offended and I’m not setting myself up for them to make me seem like the bad guy/crazy. I know what I do on my end. What is being asked of me I’ve been doing all along? There’s no need for action on my end. I hate when people judge me and don’t even know what’s going on in my house with me and my children. Being a parent is such hard work. I want the best for my children. I want them to be independent. I want them to want more than what I had. Experience things I never did but at the end of the day there is only so much I can do. I can lecture and encourage them in the ways of the world. The rest is up to them and God. Nay Samuel will use her power to destroy things but Netanyia never uses her power to her advantage. Netanyia knows that actions have consequences. I don’t want to hurt people who I feel hurt me. I have been tempted many times though. Picking up the Bible reading verses because it calms me and keeps me from letting the devil influence me to do spiteful things. Retail therapy helped me yesterday. I was no piece of cake when I was younger and I see that in my children. I pray they find their way just as I found mine. I’m sure my momma had doubts about me. I had my first born when I was 19. I was two weeks into college when I realized it and by October I dropped out. My priorities were not in order back then. I let Hartsville trap me.  Hartsville was different back then. It was live. If you weren’t in the streets you were missing something. I used to have fits when I couldn’t get to the block. Nay Samuel days. “Momma, I made it”. I’m from the bottom. I’m still at the bottom but I’m not “pond scum” Lol I was sort of prepared for the bs yesterday. Every time I’m out of the office I come back to bs. Why she wait til I leave to have a discussion about me. I can’t take that. Don’t discuss me unless you defending me. I “read” her behind yesterday. Somebody straddling the fence today. Ain got time. 10&2 over here. shh callate!