It’s
almost 2014 and I’ve decided not to do a resolution this year. I feel it’s no
need to bother. I’m going to just let life happen. Whatever it will be, will
be. During the year I feel I have grown up a little more. I’m still a work in
progress and probably will be until I die. No matter what improvements I make,
there is always room to be better. I’m going to focus on the present and not
stress over what my future will be like. I can only live for today, in the
moment that I’m in. The past makes me sad and the future makes anxious. I’m so
scared of what will be. It’s time to start preparing for my next step in life.
Relocation is the plan. Part of me knows relocating is just my way of cutting
myself off from people. I won’t be the
first person someone calls if they need a favor. I don’t think things will be that much
different by me moving. It will probably still take me 20 minutes to get to
work because of traffic. So I guess the incentive is isolation. I need to find
someone to buy my house. The way the economy is that’s going to be hard. Then
my house is in a black neighborhood. Not to sound better than but how many
black people buying houses in a black neighborhood. Those that can afford to
buy like neighborhoods like Fox Hallow and Timberchase. There were a lot of
things I messed up by not knowing exactly what to do. I want to sell but I do
want buy again in future. I have to get my credit score back to where it used
to be. Once I got my house I was like I’m not buying anything else so I wasn’t
really concerned about my score. I’ve made some big mistakes trusting the wrong
people. Looking out for the wrong people. Letting the wrong people bring me
down. I felt it and I ignored my instincts. I blame myself because I knew
better. I’ll never let anyone else make a fool of me. I’ll never lose myself in
a relationship again. It will always be reciprocity with me, you get what you
give. I try to be fair. I can be selfish and with some things in life you have to be
selfish. Over the weekend someone from my past asked if we could see each other
again. He has someone at home. He says we can be great couple. I’m like nah
bruh I need more than what you willing to give. I need a whole man. Ain got
time. Then he had the nerve to give me an ultimatum. He was like think about it
I’m not going to ask you again. GTFOH there was nothing for me to think about.
You belong to someone else; what can you do for me? Nada. Adios. Men are a
trip. As long as we continue to bow down they will always have the power. I’m
not giving up my power ever again. I’m going to use it my advantage. I remember
my years of being young and dumb. In all honesty, I’m still holding out for
Junior. He is my past. I need to let it go. I can’t help but think about it.
I’m guessing as long as I don’t act on my feelings I’m good. It’s been a
struggle. I’m looking forward to my weekend in Charlotte. I never get up that
way. I have high expectations about this weekend but I’m going to play it ear.
I’m going alone and if I sit in the hotel room all weekend I wouldn’t even
care. Just to be away works for me. I do plan to go out. I will go out by
myself. Nothing ever really works out for me like I want it too. 2012 CIAA for
instance. I had a good time but if it would have went as planned it would have
been better. Me and people don’t be on the same page so I have to roll solo.
Even when it comes to people I want to kick it with I have to settle and since
those people aren’t my first choice I roll solo. Like this weekend. It sucks not having that
one friend you can truly be yourself with. I be missing Robin like crazy. If no
one else, it was always her.
No comments:
Post a Comment