BROOKLYN
I have been in a “phone relationship” with a guy I call
Brooklyn since October 2014. Went to a
classmate’s birthday and standing with a friend who was talking to him, I didn’t
recognize him. When he said his name I was like, “oh, I know you”. He couldn’t
place me at first but he remembered my brother. I know him from my Carolina
Elementary days. He stayed in the neighborhood next to ours. He was a little
older than me so I didn’t really know him like that. I never held a
conversation with him prior to that night. I was sitting alone and he came and
sat with me. We talked a little bit; just casual conversation. He was surprised
I was alone. That’s me. its safer. Most of the time, I’m always alone. He wanted
to go some place to talk. In that moment
I thought I hadn’t been taking enough chances in life so I was like what the
hell. I wanted some sex and because he was from Hartsville, I did feel a connection. Talking to him, he seemed to be decent enough.
He is hardworking, for sure. Lives alone so that meant he is responsible. He
pays bills. He handles his business.
Most importantly, he doesn’t live in Hartsville. He isn’t close either
which is a specialty for me, impossible relationships. He lives in New York
which is why I call him Brooklyn. As we were talking, I was checking him out.
Listening to what he said. Closely listening for red flags. Making sure he wasn’t
crazy. I felt comfortable enough to meet him after we left the bar. I felt
comfortable with him even though I really didn’t know him. A lot of time has
passed since I’ve seen him. Before that night, I only knew of him. I remember
his high school girlfriend and they had a kid together but that was about it. We spent the rest of the
night together. He had to leave early because he was going back to NY. I enjoyed
my time with him. It didn’t feel awkward
at all. He was nice, gently and very sweet to me. It was intimate and I liked
it. The whole time we were together, he held me. That was something I hadn’t
had in very long time. I needed that. It felt good. It felt real. When he left
he kissed me. He didn’t want to leave and I didn’t want him to go. In the
moment, I wasn’t worried about not seeing him again. I really felt connected, like it wasn't our first time. I was
sure we’d see each other again. The question of when didn’t hit me until a few
days later. I could not stop thinking about him. He text me later that Sunday
morning but I hadn't heard from him since. I was waiting on a text or phone call.
I wanted to communicate with him. I text him to let him know I didn't want it to be that one time. I knew I didn't want that to be the end. After a few days he we begin texting. We
started staying on the phone for hours at a time. He worked third and that was
the best time for him to talk freely. We talked a lot and about everything.
Mainly how we were ready to see each other again. He was really infatuated with
me and I enjoyed the compliments and attention. I don’t get that on the regular.
Every woman loves to be desired. He seemed really impressed with me. I always
get “Why are you single?” I tried explaining the man I loved didn’t love me. I
didn’t want to settle for less than what I know will make me happy. It’s hard
finding the right one to knock the last one out of the box. Brooklyn definitely
has potential. He is surely man enough but he’s not ready to let go with me. He’s
acknowledged some things for his past that he’s never shared with anyone. For a
man that can be difficult so I do believe we have a connection. I jumped a head
a little bit. Before that conversation about his past we hit a bump. As I
always do, I got a little too carried away with our relationship. Even though
he's 700 miles away I was still moving too fast. I was so happy and so excited
about us I got lost. He told me he had a friend and us being so far apart it’s
not like we can be exclusive. He has a two year old and any smart woman knows
he probably still in that relationship. I hadn’t given up the cub either.
Brooklyn hadn’t claimed me. So we had no titles. After we had been talking regularly for awhile he let me know he was going to
be unavailable for a few days. I knew that meant he was spending time with his
girlfriend. It was about five days before I heard from him and I knew in my
heart rejection was coming. He explained he wasn’t ready to give up on his
relationship with his baby momma. When in he was in SC he had been going
through some things with his girl and he was lonely. Basically he used me. He
said we could be friends. (My sense of the word) I was devastated. Mostly because I was rejected again. I have been disappointed so many times and it's so hard to deal with. I realized this is good because we’re long
distance. I enjoy talking to him so it’s really great. Prior to that we had
been talking about me visiting. I felt in my heart that Brooklyn is the one. God
spoke to my heart about him. I’ll never forget; it was the day my cousin James
Edward passed. I was sitting at my desk praying for my family and His spirit came over me. That
night was our first real phone conversation. I told Brooklyn about my experience. He didn’t think I was
crazy either. He said he wants to be able to have that experience with God as
well. I always believed but to have that experience is amazing because it doesn’t
come to everyone. We probably talk about once a week now. We talk about everything from God, to social issues, our kids and parenting. Mostly about how
ready we are to see each other again. I was having second thoughts at one point
because I wasn’t sure about us. Traveling to NY is very expensive. I want to
know he’s worth it. As I said he has someone. He talks about being lonely so
clearly she is not doing her part. Those city girls don’t cater to their men
like country girls. He loves the country
in me and I love the Brooklyn in him. He believes in a man taking caring of his
woman. I like that quality in a man but I don’t expect that. I’ve always taken
care of me. I’m sure I’ll get to see him again. I don’t know when but when I do
he’s not going to want to ever be apart from again. I have faith that we will
see each other. I feel good about our friendship. He likes talking to me and that means a lot to me. The only time people call me is if they want something. When he calls it's about me. He genuinely likes me. Even though he doesn’t seem
like the type to be in his feelings, I think when he loves, he loves hard. I hope there is a chance for more. I’m not concerned at all about the distance.
I believe in love so if it’s meant to be it will happen. I’ve never been about
that city life but all he has to do is say the word. He's not going to do unless he 100% sure and I totally appreciate that. If we get to that point I'll know its real. For now I have his friendship and now a days that hard to get so I'm truly thankful for that. I have some things going on with my daughter that require my time and attention right now so I really don't need any distractions. I don't have to worry about Brooklyn getting in the way of that. God is timing everything perfectly. The one problem I have with Brooklyn is he thinks
I have a man. All men believe that you have to be dealing with someone. As I
said I was dealing with the cub but not enough to say I have a man. I’m not that
typical woman who has to lie. When it comes to relationships I don’t play
games. I don’t get off on playing with people’s feelings or using people. That
has never been me. I’m truthful about my status and the status of my relationships.
I’m single. Junior was holding me back but I thank God for giving me the strength
to get out of that. For a long time I thought there was no one else out there
who could compete with Junior. I was so blind and had him a pedestal he didn’t
even deserve. Anyone who is willing to love me is already a better than Junior.
Last week in staff we talked about taking that leap of faith. That’s what
Brooklyn has to do. He’s been in the word so he knows God. I’m not scared
because I believe in love; God is love. As much as I have been disappointed,
rejected, crushed, dogg out, played, lied to and hurt I still believe in love. It’s
my faith in God that allows me to still believe. I know all this hurt and
struggle I’ve been through isn’t for nothing. My God has blessings waiting for
me. Brooklyn and I both feel that God has a hand in our friendship. What God joins together no man can tear asunder.
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