Waiting and I'm Cool

It has been moons since the last time I wrote anything. Nothing much going on to mention. I’ve just been trying to get through life. I’m struggling with high blood pressure and diabetes. I had to come to terms with having to change my life.  If I want to live I can’t do what I want anymore. I can totally understand what my daddy went through. He chose to live his life his way. He didn’t care and I totally get that; live life to the fullest. One thing for certain, I am my father’s child. I can remember how thrilled I was when I realized I no longer had feelings for Avalon. However I got involved with someone else and then I was deeply in love with the new guy. Now 12 years later I’m finally free. As much as I loved Junior I never thought I’d be free. I was pathetic. I couldn’t help it. All I knew was time would get me where I needed to be. Thank God I’m there. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Loving in despair, unrequited love is the worse feeling in the world. Its hell and it hurts. It’s so bad but I don’t wish that on my worst enemy. So as the time has been passing I’ve been waiting patiently on the Lord. My last post was about waiting on my blessings. I’ve wanted a real relationship for so long. Confused; why am I single? I knew I had to let it go and let God do his work.  I know I was obsessed with it. It was crazy because it was all I could think about. Wanting wishing and wondering; when will I be loved? I knew I had to love me first, understand my worth.  I knew no matter what I’ve done in my life I deserve to be loved purely. I deserved to be treated like a queen. I know what the love I have to give and it is priceless. As much hurt and disappointed I have experienced I will never give up on love. That is the only thing that has kept me going. Knowing maybe real love is out there for me. It's only love that gets me through.