No Mess, No Stress.

 I haven’t posted a blog in a long time. I’ve come to realize no one reads my stuff even if I post a Facebook link.  This is where I am open, and my truth is revealed. No real names except mine. I wanted to write about the dream I had. I call it the Bishopville Truck Driver. I moved to Bishopville, I don’t know why but I was renting a room with and old lady and her truck driving son. I was still working at the law firm so I would be commuting. Anyway, the truck driver son wasn’t home when I went to move in. I did meet two younger fellas that didn’t live there. As I was leaving the truck driver son pulled beside me to introduce himself. He was heading to work. He came home every night and had Sunday off. Anyway, late one night after he got home. I was in the kitchen and we started talking. He had a daughter. His sister mention that he was single and needed to find a girlfriend. Hint, hint to me. Anyway, I felt the need to write this one down. I can’t see myself moving into someone’s home. Renting a room. Maybe it’s a multiple personality. I have all these dreams leading lives that are not mine. It’s so much stuff that goes through my mind and I lose it all when I wake up. I hate that. Some of it is genius-ass shit. What dreams may come… Back to reality. Brooklyn was home last week. I only saw him once but that’s how he do. He called me Saturday but that’s my sleep day. I think he thought he would see me before he left. Not. I’m on my own time. I’m sick of these dudes. They actually think you sitting around waiting on them. Nah bruh those days are over. Sunday is normally fun day, but I stayed home and did some housework. I’m still organizing from my move. Mostly I have been chilling. Trying to keep my head down because there has been so much drama lately and I don’t like that. Work, church, and hating people. It started with the PPP loans. People are upset over the amount I got. That was not me someone put me on. I see it as a blessing from God. They still fail to realize the money is not free. It’s like everything I do or say someone has a problem with it. Ain’t No Love in The Heart of The City. Like Jay say, “every day I was wake up to more bullshit”. I tell you; Jay keeps your mind right. You want to blow on these fools, but you got to keep your cool. Even my own momma come down on me sometimes. She so stress about “what people say”. That’s the last thing I’m concerned about. She never lets me forget how irrelevant I am; who am I to voice my opinion on anything. And will get mad at me if I go against anything she says. I’m going to always be for what’s right; decent and in order. As my mother, you would think she would have my back but no. At the end of the day she’s always been good to me. I love her for that and for her giving spirit. I don’t know if it’s age, but I see a side of her that I never really seen but I always knew was there. She is Cava Lee's daughter. I see more of a selfish side. Like it’s all about her. But at the same time, she still looks out for me and my children. I don’t get it. I’m that way too I guess but I don’t show it. I try to remain as humble as possible. I have my moments but it is normally in private. She will get mad over the simplest things but if she does something wrong it’s ok. You got to get over it. I overlook all the things that upset me about her cause she is my momma. A lot of people don’t have their moms. A lot of people don’t have a mother that is good to them. So, I remember I need to be more thankful. I do try to show her how much I appreciate her. More giving and less begging. What she really wants is to be able to brag on her children. I’m not down for that. I don’t want to be compared to no one. I am Netanyia Golden Samuel. I’m not trying to impress no one but myself.  I be feeling myself sometimes but that’s what self-love is. Ain’t nobody going to love me like me. There are times when I feel bound down like people got chains on me.  Especially when it comes to me and my opinion. I don’t insert myself in anybody’s stuff. In the past, I have been very outspoken when it comes to my church and its business. I have since backed away from that cause I’m a Presbyterian and Mt. Pisgah doesn’t seem to be going in that direction. However, I did take issue with First Pres., Hartsville and their inclusiveness that didn’t include Mt. Pisgah. I was in my feelings that day. I have apologized for my actions, but the facts still remain the same. Fights I can’t win. I have bowed out gracefully already. I need to sever ties completely. When I am passionate about something, I’m going to fight for it. Decent and in order.