Bored - Trying to write. No bueno.

 

I haven’t written in so long. I don’t make the time. Today I’m in my feelings about Robin. It seems like I’m the only one who’s willing to remember her. I can’t ever forget the times we had. I don’t hurt like I used to. I have made peace with Tiffany but as I said a million times, I miss my friend. Like My Daddy, I knew she loved me. She as a constant in my life. No matter where or what was going on in our separate lives she was always my best friend. I’m upset but I’ll keep this to myself because I truly feel like no one understands or as if I’m wrong to hold on. It just somethings-some people I can’t let go of. Like Tank. His birthday is next month but I promise every end of September all through October to November is a tough time for me. I lost Tank and I lost Junior. With Junior it was our beginning and end. Then we had a second end in January.  So the lost is too much sometimes. Combined with how I feel about myself, my relationship status. When you dealing with someone and they tell you, you’ll find someone someday. I can’t stand that. It makes me feel like I’m not worthy. I’m not happy at all with my relationship status. I’m single but I got entanglements. I was happier when I was celibate. I was very proud of myself then. I don’t want to let the money go. I always said love or money. I’m still struggling though. I shouldn’t be.  Damn sure need a new job. I need a $15 per hour job doing nothing. Clearly I need my journal because I can’t say what I want to say.  I can say how much I still think about Junior. Nothing has changed for me when it comes to him.  I still hope he finds his way back to me. I still love him, miss him, love, desire him, crave for him.  Did I say I still love him? No one else matters, no other love can measure. For him it’s just like Robin. I can’t ever forget.