I'm Not Mad.

Trying to figure out why men never have the courage to say how they really feel. It amazes me how a man will lie instead of doing both of us a favor and tell the truth. They rather lead you on instead of telling you they don't feel the same as you. Please, I rather you let me know, be a man about it and tell me you don't want me. I might be a little hurt and upset but trust its better than the hurt I'll feel by you playing with my emotions. I know what love is. I know how it’s supposed to feel. I know what its like to want someone and that person has no desire to be with you. You have all these other dudes who may want you but you ain’t feeling them. Whether it’s because they aren't your type or whatever. I have been in situations where a guy wanted me to be his girl. Would have took good care of me, given me anything I wanted but I didn't like him like that. My heart belonged somewhere else. So I didn’t want to take advantage of him. I didn't want to hurt him because I know I would have. I have been hurt so many times and I refuse to drag someone along just because they want to spoil me. You can't help who you love. If it's not me tell me. I would truly understand. Not like it, but I can't be mad. Love is love. Since men can be such punks you have to read between the lines. All of a sudden it hit me that I don't have a chance with a certain someone. I tried reaching out to see what was up and I didn't get a response. I am upset but not because he didn't pick me. I do wonder, why not me? I think I know the answer to that though. I don’t want anything from anyone that they don’t want to give me. It is what it is. I'm ok with that. I just wish he had the balls to talk to me. Something better will come along. Someone who will be able to give me the kind of love that I want and deserve. I’m not going to sit here and waste away because he didn’t pick me. I’m going to continue to wear my smile. I need someone much stronger anyway.  It took me a while but I finally figured it out. Anyway life goes on…