Old Writing I Didn't Post - Moving On

Been too lazy to write. Nothing much going on anyway. I had to back off from TCG because I was getting jealous of him talking to other girls. So clearly he was becoming more than “a distraction”. It worked well until I got to where I wanted more. I wanted a title. He’s been putting so much time in with me I’ve been getting our status confused. I wasn’t listening to what he was saying; I was going off actions. I set myself up so I decided to back off. He said he understood which I knew he would. I really wouldn’t care though because I have to look out for me. That’s the selfish part of the whole thing. It’s my job to take care of my heart. I’m doing what I have to do so it will never be broken again. Me being selfish is the only way I feel I can protect me. Yesterday I spoke with TCG briefly and I was taken aback when he mention something about things that are hidden behind a smile. I did a post similar to that. I said “ I stay hiding behind my smile”. I struggle so much internally but everyone has problems. I keep my problems to myself. People will ask you how you doing but they could care less. People never listen to me and that really bothers me. So I normally keep quiet. TCG and his homeboy both say I act like a blonde. Now I feel like everyone thinks I’m a blonde. I’m thinking that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend. Junior used to get frustrated with me all the time because he claimed I act like I didn’t know certain things. Hell it’s not an act. Sometimes I need things broken down so I can clearly understand. Maybe that explains why La acts like the way she does. She gets it from her momma. I don’t think I’m as bad as her though. Lord, that girl is hard work sometimes. The best thing for me is to be quiet. So now that I’m getting used to being without Junior and backing off from TCG, I don’t want to be bothered with boys and relationships. I just want to keep to myself and stay ducked off. I’m going in hibernation for rest of 2013. The Super Bowl party in Dillon was enough fun to last me through the year. I had so much fun. I love hanging out with TCG. It was just like Black Friday. Ballin’ Being around him so much made me think I’m not ready to be in a relationship. I like having time to myself. Over the weekend I sat in my chair, watched tv, sipped and slept. That’s what I want to do. No responsibilities, I can be super lazy on the weekends. I like peace and calmness. TCG is not that.