Looking Out That Window

Just sitting here thinking about my high school days and all the drama I used to be caught up in. Girls are always vicious towards other girls and my crew was no exception. It’s all about your attitude. I always carried myself like it was all about me. I promise I wasn’t aware that I did that, I was simply being me and some folks didn’t like that. Now that I’m older I don’t act like that. I try to be humble because I know that it’s not all about Netanyia. I give myself credit when credit is due but I’m not conceited at all. Thinking back though it was fun being well known around school. There are people that went to school with me from kindergarten to 12^th grade who I never said one word too. Now I wish I wasn’t so judgmental. I didn’t talk to people if they weren’t on a certain level. I guess that goes with being young and dumb.  I always wanted to integrate preppy white cliques. There were some white boys that got in trouble with prescription drugs our senior year. That’s the crowd I would have loved to hang out with. They had a spot called “the hedge”. I would have loved to kick it with my white classmates back then. I remember seeing Ben Gandy and Will Black at Wendy’s in Florence and we chatted a little bit with them. That was cool. It was close to the end of the school year so it felt like we were coming together. I actually tried getting into their clique because I had a crush on Matt Roller. I’ve known Matt since 2^nd grade. We sat by each other in class and we were cool. Of course as the years went on we didn’t speak much in jr high or in high school until senior year. He was scared to go out with a black girl and I was crushed for real. I carried a thing for him for a long time after that I’m over it now. The first day of school senior year Robin and I cut classes. I don’t remember where we went or what we had to do so that we missed the first day of school. We did go on campus at 3:05 to catch the bus ride home. We thought we were so grown. School was beneath us but we knew we had to get that paper. We ran the streets but did what we had to do to make sure we got those credits for graduation. For my 18^th birthday I remember Robin Badgie and I going to the Chinese restaurant for an early dinner. It being Sean birthday too Robin went to go see him and I went to the Landmark and got drunk off Gin and beer, I think it was Colt 45. I was in the room alone so I wrote about my day on the Landmark letterhead. I still have it til this day and you can clearly tell I was inebriated because the handwriting was horrible. Days like that were considered “Mission Complete”. Robin and I would always be GOAM. Gangstresses on a Mission. You had to hit the block because eventually that one person you want to see would be coming through.  I remember the time we were in Ronald Bell’s car and talking about how lies get out. I don’t remember why we were in his car but we didn’t want anyone to see us. If someone saw us they would assume and that wouldn’t have been good. It was an “it’s not what it looks like” type situation. Lol I had the best feeling in the world when Robin Metia Black Cee and Me rode to Kingstree. I was on cloud 9. The music was banging in my ear and I was zoning. I think about that moment all the time. That was the best feeling I ever had in my life. I’ve been craving for that feeling ever since. Guys back then had a team of women but they took care of everybody. I was a kid so it wasn’t much I needed but if ever I asked I got it. I remember vividly looking out the window and seeing that turquoise firebird parked in the lot and thinking I want to be down. I had just talked to Nikki Swinney. She was on the block driving the firebird. She had a Fendi handbag. I wanted to get like her. My way in was by a dude who I shot down previously because I had a boyfriend. That was easy. From that point it was all about dope dealers. I only got to experience a snippet of what it was like to hang out with them. They took care of everybody. People don’t get together in groups and do things like they used to. A lot has changed. I was so stupid. Back then I really didn't give a ****