All About Me, NOT!

Sitting here thinking about last night. I was planning to see JayZ in concert but I can’t afford that. I want to experience things. I want to be able to go to events like concerts, games on the pro level. I want to be able to go to annual events like SCSU homecoming, Capital City Classic, CIAA, bike week. (Get the picture). I can’t find love so I fill that void by getting away. The problem is that I like to do things BIG. Top Notch.. For example, going to see JayZ in Greensboro ,I paid $250 for my ticket and $218 for one night in a hotel room.  Going to Purple City and making it rain on them strippers. Acting like a baller and just as broke as bum on the street. I get high off that life, It’s so much fun. It makes me happy. Just like retail therapy. Black Friday 2011 and Super Bowl Sunday 2013. It works when I’m depressed. I seriously feel better if I’m shopping, spending money or doing things. I want to live the BIG life. But  I got that Ace of Spades taste and only a beer budget. I’m going with the reality of my life. I keep thinking as long as I’m here I should try and enjoy it. I can’t enjoy it because I don’t have the means to make that happen. I feel like I annoy people because of my blonde moments. Some people don’t have patience for that. I don’t have patience either and I’m dingy AF but cute. I love a smart guy, it’s very attractive. Don’t get smart confused with know-it-all, conceited a**hole. There is a huge difference.  I can’t expect a man to like me and I’m all Charlie Brown. My memory is going and I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing. My job requires me to pay attention to detail and my mind can’t keep up sometimes. So I am Charlie Brown I can’t be about that life. I’m trying to make it “all about me”. Doing things that interest and excite me. I want to have fun.  This can’t be life, there has got be more.