A Fool For Love, Is a Fool For Pain

Reading this I feel so ashamed that I let this go on for so long. I feel ashamed for begging him to come back to me. He was not good to me at all and I wanted to settle for that when I deserve so much more. Eight years I put up with him making me feel I wasn’t worthy. I resent him for being nice and catering to everyone but me. I resent him for making me hold back my true feelings about certain people. I resent him for all the emotional struggles I went though. I hate him for not listening to me and trying to understand me.  I hate him for not being a friend to me and not being loyal to me. For all the times I was lonely, hurting, needing him and he wasn’t there. I thank God for giving me the courage to put myself first in this situation. I have been told I was wrong for the way I handled things but every other way I tried getting closure had not worked for me. At times we have to forget about everyone else and be selfish. I had to look out for me. I thank God for bringing me out of that unbearable pain that consumed me. I am proud of the unwavering love I had for him. It was real and if it would have been reciprocated it would have been the most “beautifulest” thing. I feel sorry for him that he doesn’t know what love is. 

Just a little Nay and Junior history.

Our relationship was passionate but at the same time volatile. We both could go from 0 to 100 quickly. I'd push his bottoms because it was the only way I could get attention. We'd spend all day together and he would treat me like just a regular person. I wanted attention every chance we got. I'm sure people could tell something was going on between us. I used to want to check the chicks coming in the store. I ran a few off. There was one I couldn't get to but I think she knew. He wasn't mine but I claimed him. That was "my" man. 

The past is all I got. 

(Right now anyway)