Telling Your Story of Singlehood: I chose this class because I am single and it seems like it’s been forever. We started out with all the so-called encouragement we may get from friends and family. You know, it’s not your time; the right one just hasn’t come along yet; men are intimidated by you, blah blah blah. Marriage is not the ultimate, I am not less than and my narrative is not based on those old clichés. I realized this workshop is about being comfortable in singlehood. Taking steps to get where you need to be to be content with where you are in life. There maybe similar reason why we are single but everyone’s story is different. One small comparison doesn’t make it the same as someone else’s. We were asked to focus on three components.
Meaning Making
I embrace my story with all of its beauty and broken pieces. There
is joy, grace and gifts in my single life.
Mourning
I mourn what I identify as losses, dashed expectations and
deferred hopes. God holds my tears, anger, shame, guilt, doubts.
I make space to complete this work.
Moving Forward
I make peace with what I cannot control. I live this one God gifted
and graced life with presence, purpose and passion.
As a model I chose to share my struggle. I learned I'm at the moving
forward process. I need to forgive myself, make peace with the decision I made;
which was a good decision, but I lost My Love. This workshop was the one I
liked most. There was so much sharing and connecting by strangers. I felt so
much love and COMPASSION in that room. I got to be heard and it was amazing.
Living in Singlehood…
At one point I felt because I didn’t have a significant other I was
less than. I knew my worth wasn’t defined by having a man, but I wanted to be
in a relationship so badly. For the friendship, the companionship, and hopefully
to be loved. I wanted to find someone to connect with on the level of love that
I know I can give. It so much easier to be in a relationship with a person who
loves like you do. The understanding is there. Although it’s so hard to find. In
my living single workshop, I questioned the difference between losing my love
and the death of losing a love. Either way you are without but for me knowing
my love is not dead and living life is harder for me to deal with. It’s so hard
to not act on emotions. So hard to restrain from stalking parking lots. I don’t
want him dead, but I do think it would be so much easier to deal. In death
there is no choice. Everyday I am reminded that he wants nothing to do with me,
by choice. I guess I have all those good dreams about him because that’s all I
got. As I said I’m in the moving forward process. I’m open to finding someone
new but I can’t go back to hamburger helper as Jay says. Junior was top of the
line. He treated me very well when things were good. I want the best of my yesterdays
to be the worst of my tomorrows. Big
shoes to fill. I’m so much better than I used to be. I made a lot of mistakes because
I couldn’t get the attention I wanted. With finding someone new/better I must show
guys that I’m unavailable, unattainable, don’t waste your time because I quit,
I’m retired. In my workshop we had to partner with someone. (Why do they make
you do that. I have the hardest time with stuff like that unless I’m at work.)
It was an older lady who was trying to cope with the lost of her husband. I
heart hurt for her because she was immediately brought to tears. She had to
take a minute to compose herself. I grabbed her hand and listened. Because her
hurt mattered to me. She needed to release that pain in that moment and me
allowing that was the best thing I could do for her. I try so hard to mindful
of listening to people. I promise my biggest issue with people is those who don’t
listen. This lady was so thankful I let her have that moment. I often wonder
what my purpose is in life, but that day it is was clearly to be an ear, to let
her cry, and show her compassion. I felt good. I also learned that I need to
make better decisions. I promise I’ve had this problem forever. I used to get
caught up in the moment and it’s like, WHATEVER! I’m a little better about that
now. I do wonder if my husband is out there somewhere. Lord, I pray he finds me
soon. I know the Lord says wait but I’m about to be 45 and I hate working out.
Anyway, I have been reminding myself of all the not so good things I went through
with Junior. I was still trying to hold on. Part of me was still waiting and
thinking he was going to come back to me. The good was great but thinking about
the bad; I deserve better. It’s stuff I refuse to tolerate in relationships; one
is a man trying to make me feel like I’m flawed. I’m my own person. I do things
my way, respect that. I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else. I am content with
being single. As I said marriage is not the ultimate because I see some really
messed up situations. I want my marriage to be a marriage. Whatever Merriam -Webster
defines it to be is what I want. Not some alternative version. I’m not
conforming to what someone else’s idea of marriage is unless it’s better than
mine. I want to be courted and pursued. Men these days make women audition for
a part that don’t even exist. I refuse to do that again. The first red flag I’m
chucking the deuces. I’m a GOOD woman; I know my special gifts and talents. I have
a past; it doesn’t define me If he can’t handle me when I’m broken and can’t
stand he ain’t strong enough to be my man. I’m done mourning what I lost. I won’t
forget because those were some happy times. But I’m moving forward.
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