Letter to My Love

I’m writing this because it’s been six years and my feelings for you have not changed. I have prayed and asked for God to send me a good man, a husband. Everything I asked of my Savior he has blessed me with except a husband. I felt that if I found someone who was good to me. I can finally let you go. I don’t understand why love eludes me. I know I’ve done wrong, I know I’ve suffered for my wrong. I have been dogged, rejected and played. I’ve been hurt over and over. Once God spoke to me, I told him I was ready to die but I wanted to see you before I go. He told me to wait. When it comes to you He has always told me to wait. In my dreams, you spoke to me many times. Telling me you love me and that you never stopped loving me. I didn’t read much into it. It’s just that my subconscious mind is always with you.   In my dreams, we are always together. I had one bad dream. I don’t remember it and I don’t know if I wrote it down. I dream about you so much until I stop writing them down. Wrote a poem about you. I felt that if I wrote it down it would help me. It’s “He Don’t Like You”. I’m trying to force my brain to stop thinking about you. Just stop everything about you. But it’s not working for me. At the end of the day there is no one who loved me like you. I’ve prayed for better than you but it hasn’t come yet. So, I’m still stuck on you. I love you. I love you with everything in me. I don’t even care that you hate me. I know you hate me but that doesn’t deter me. I get so annoyed with people because even though you don’t like me, I can’t be with you it still doesn’t change the fact that I love you. My feelings are mine and even though it hurts me I still love you. They’re just there. As I said, I’ve prayed for a love of my own and if that doesn’t happen, I’ll love you til the day I die. I’m sorry that I sometimes act on my feelings. You have no idea how much restraint I’ve had. I was ready to die just to get your attention, I didn’t care. If you’d kill me I wouldn’t have to suffer any more. Many days and nights I yearned for you, I reached for you, I cried for you. I wanted you, your love. I wanted you to hold me. I’ve needed you to hold me. You told me you would never forget. I often wonder do you think of me. I say to myself he can’t forget me. Too many memories, too much passion, too many songs that remind you of me. I say to myself everything he said was real. He don’t whisper sweet nothings. So when you said you’d never forget you meant it. I miss you so much, your touch, your love, you. I know I’m wrong, I’ve asked God to loose me of these feelings but after seven years the love has not waivered. There are times when I’m ok but you always come back to me. My mind, my soul, and my heart is you. Why has God blessed me with everything I want except a husband? God knows how I feel about love. So for the life of me I can’t understand why My Lord has not blessed me with the Love of my Life. I’ve been waiting forever. I need to be loved. I want to be loved. If it ain’t you why is God making me wait.